


The Importance of Understanding

by CatelynJones



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura doesn't understand, Coran just wants his weirdly shaped space kids to be happy, Depressed Lance (Voltron), Depression, Empathic Aliens, Empathy, Family Feels, Gen, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Its all fair game, Keith (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Mental Health Issues, Original Characters - Freeform, POV Alternating, Pidge is lonely, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), Suicidal Thoughts, Team as Family, Telepathy, Touch Telepathy, Unreliable Narrator, but - Freeform, hunk has anxiety, it's space, original alien race
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 11:19:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13612269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatelynJones/pseuds/CatelynJones
Summary: Lance has a lot on his mind, but when he missed the mission briefing, he did not think it would end up leading to this.But here he was, accidentally drugged up on a truth serum that had the team airing their fears and insecurities and about to announce to the residents of the castleship that sometimes he thought he would be better off dead.Or: Lance has feelings, the others have feelings and we all learn the value of empathyInspired byincorrect-voltron-quotes





	The Importance of Understanding

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first foray into writing Voltron fanfic. I'm new to the fandom, but I've consumed my body weight in fics over the last month, which is hard to do considering they are digital and theoretically weigh nothing.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this, I'm all about exlporing the ways mental health and illness would be portrayed and treated in ficitonal universes and this is my take for Voltron. I had intended this to be a 2-3000 word oneshot, but as you can see, the concept sort of got away from me a little.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at [catelynjoneswrites](https://catelynjoneswrites.tumblr.com). Tumblr is where I will post updates about the fics I am working on, as well as the cute shit that rolls across my dash. I'll take prompts and questions etc, drop by and say hi!

It started like nearly all their missions. There was a distress signal, a planet in trouble, awaiting Galra fleet and a skin-of-their-teeth victory. It was beginning to feel very formulaic by now. They struggled against the fleet separately until the fight was concentrated on one large threat, formed Voltron, cut the threat into tiny pieces and then descended on the planet below to win support for the rebellion.

Maybe that’s why their guard was down. Maybe that was why Lance didn’t notice the strange looks the citizens of Rhexa IV were shooting them.

See, in another typical show of Lance-ness, he was late to the briefing. He wasn’t there to hear Allura’s explanation of the Apaian’s culture and abilities. He always figured he’s just wing it, Lance had other things to worry about.

If Lance HAD been there, he would know that the Apa had some Star Trek level touch telepathy going on. The Apaians were small, the tallest were just slightly shorter than Pidge, and their skin was a stunning dusky pink that was perfectly set against the reds and oranges of the landscape of the continent they landed on. According to Allura’s information, the Apa changed their colour to match their environment, but that it took several weeks for the transition to complete. Everything about the Apa was designed to allow them to seamlessly fit into their surroundings. In a large community, the touch telepathy allowed them to work easily together with a cohesive plan. In social settings, it allowed them to work out the rough intentions of those they interacted with. They could sense things such as deceit, underlying emotions and aggressive intent just by brushing against the other’s bare skin. They saw this not as an invasion of privacy, but rather just as a fact of life. Which to them, it was.

Allura and Coran urged the paladins to be careful, as obviously avoiding physical contact was considered rude and indicative of malicious intent, though little skin contact could be made while their armour was in place. They assured the paladins that keeping their gloves and gauntlets on would be thought of as odd, but not an insult.

Too bad Lance missed all of that.

***

Lance was having a shit day.

Nothing was working right. Not the goo machine, not his zipline, not his traitorous brain.

Lance had woken up feeling like his whole body was made of lead and getting out of bed for breakfast was a mammoth task that left him exhausted by the time he made the dining hall. Every step made him want to curl in a ball and cry, but he paused at the door, took a deep breath and headed in. This is what Lance did. He buried his feelings and soldiered on. There was no time for soul crushing depression when the universe was at stake. There are entire star systems that have been enslaved and are watching their children put to work and their parents murdered. Lance could change that. He may be nothing more than one limb of a great machine, but he was chosen, and he would work to make sure he lived up to the role he had been given.

Success was getting through the day without any failures, and without his teammates knowing how hard he had to work to keep up the facade.

Just the walk to the dining hall was exhausting, so it goes without saying that a full day of training, bonding and scouting left Lance emotionally and physically drained. When the alarm sounded in response to the Rhexian distress beacon sounded, Lance had been hunched in a ball in the corner of his room trying to think through the pounding waves of crap his brain was spouting. Ten years of CBT bullshit made things almost automatic, but no less hurtful.

_You’re useless. <I’m not, my team needs me>_

_You’re dragging them down. <If I were dragging them down, Allura would not hesitate to say so>_

_They would be better off without you. <No, I am valuable>_

_You can never win this fight <We ARE making a difference>_

_You should give up now <I am not weak>_

_You would be better off dead <It’s not true>_

_You’re worthless <My team loves me>_

He rocked back and forth rebutting his own mind and hoping to ride it out. It took a lot of focus to actively fight, so it was some time before he noticed the screaming of the alarm. By the time he broke out of his mental torture, got dressed and made it to the command room, the rest of the team was headed for their ziplines. Allura had just looked at him with clear disapproval and disappointment before someone shouted a vague explanation of “Distress signal! Probs a trap! planet to save!” while flying down their own line.

Lance bit his lip, threw an apologetic expression at Allura and then the wind was carrying Coran’s “ _Be saaafe!”_ away and Lance was nestled within the cockpit of Blue.

Between the well-worn pattern of the fight and the comforting purr of Blue, Lance had managed to forget his breakdown until their work was done and the reality of having to face his team was crashing down around his ears.

Blue nudged at his mind in a clear gesture of comfort and support and Lance pushed himself out of his seat and took a moment to breathe.

Deftly, he undid the straps on his gauntlets and slid the white armour and the black gloves off. Blue opened a compartment in the cockpit for him, and Lance hummed in thanks as he neatly folded and stored his gear. He removed his helmet and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes as he willed himself to leave the safety of Blue. He was leaning against the wall, head in hands when a vibration ran through the lion, as Blue reminded him that he still had a job to do. She smiled in his mind and gave him the mental image of bumping her face against his. There were no words, but the action was clearly an encouragement to move, and a reminder that he was loved all rolled up in one.

Lance sighed and pushed himself to his feet, “You’re right, the sooner I get moving, the sooner I can go home.”

Blue rumbled in approval and Lance made his way out to the awaiting crowds with an open and enthusiastic smile.

The other paladins were waiting for him and Allura and Coran appeared as he made his way over. The princess was deep in conversation with what could only be the spokesperson for the Apa and Coran was standing at her side, as her right-hand man.

When he was close enough, Hunk threw an arm around Lance’s shoulders, “I don’t know if you heard man, but there is going to be a _feast!_ ”

Lance chuckled at his friend’s excitement, “Hunk, there is _always_ a feast.”

“Yeah, but these guys have food that looks like real food and Coran says it is all edible by human standards!”

Lance raised an eyebrow, “Since when was Coran an expert on what we consider to be edible?”

Shiro chuckled, having made his way within earshot. It was one of his more endearing features, he had to physically check on each team member’s wellbeing before he could relax and enjoy any post fight festivities. “I’ve eaten Apian cuisine before, I can confirm that it is tasty and non-life threatening.”

Keith finally broke from his “arms-crossed-scowling-face” stance to ask, “When did you eat food from here?”

Shiro hesitated before answering, “It was served to me once as a prize.”

Keith took a step closer, “A prize for what?”

Shiro froze slightly, “I.. uhhh…”, he was visibly uncomfortable with this line of questioning and Lance stepped in with a, “Well obviously it was for most luscious forelock. No one else is ever going to come close to wining that are they? Now where is this tasty food?”

Pidge jumped slightly to smack a confused Keith on the back of the head as Lance and Hunk made their way over to Allura. The princess was making small talk with the various inhabitants of Rhexa IV when Lance sauntered over. He took one look at the Apa standing before him before picking his mark. Confidently, he dropped an elbow to Allura’s shoulder (was it just him, or did Allura seem more pink than before? And was she shorter..?) and offered the leader a cocky smile.

“Hey, the name’s Lance. Just the Blue Paladin, no biggie.”

He offered a hand to the being in front of him who was stunning in a floral sort of way. The Apa leader smiled warmly at the offered hand and grasped it with her own. “My name is Tarlia. Thank you for freeing my people.”

Lance smiled again, “Anything for one so lovely as yourself.” He bowed deeply to allow him to bring Tarlia’s hand to his lips, “Is there anything else we can defeat for you today?” He was going for smooth, and was therefore rather shocked when Tarlia dropped her hand and looked up at him with what could only be explained as concern.

“No. Thank you for the offer, but I think you have done more than your fair share of the fighting for the moment.” She smiled widely and turned to the rest of the party, “Please, join us in a celebration of our freedom.”

Tarlia turned and began to walk towards a large cathedral like building, clearly used to being followed without question. As she walked, her people seemed to split to allow the party of guests to pass, though she brushed her hands through the crowd, making contact with many others of her race along the way.

 _Touch must be important to them,_ Lance realised. He cringed internally and hoped that his earlier actions were taken as ones of comfort and respect rather than taking liberties with personal space.

***

Dinner was a joyous affair. The food, as promised was divine, and Lance smiled as the team interacted easily with the Apa. They exchanged pleasantries and jokes with ease, moving smoothly form one topic to another. Even Keith was talking animatedly with the tiny Apa seated next to him.

Lance turned to his left to look at his princess. She seemed to have shrunk again over the course of the night, and her features had definitely morphed slightly to reflect the orchid like beauty of the Apa. Lance found himself idly wondering about the transformation ( _It must be part of her diplomacy shapeshifting thing_ ) before his attention was drawn back to Tarlia, who had risen from her seat in with clear intention of making a speech.

“Tonight we honour the brave paladins of Voltron, who risked their lives to come to our aid, with full knowledge that the Galra were waiting for them. They entered this battle knowing it may have been their last, and for this, we give thanks and offer our own services. We will house the battle weary and mind sick soldiers who fight in this oncoming war. We, as a people, see that the hardest to heal wounds are not often physical.”

Lance had to fight the urge to check on Shiro and his reaction. Out of the corner of his eye, Lance could see that Keith was staring at his brother and nibbling on his lip.

Tarlia pushed on without pause, “Though our enslavement has been long, we have not forgotten our craft. The Apa will care for those who need time to rest and overcome their mental wounds. In a war such as this will be, these soldiers will be many. We cannot offer you great weapons or fleets of ships, but we _can_ offer you a place of peace.”

Allura rose gracefully from her seat and pulled herself to her new towering height of 5’2”, “We thank you most gratefully for your offer of support. We see that not all are built for fighting, and that there is no value in a war that will leave both side destroyed. Your aid will be most welcome when it is needed.”

Tarlia smiled at the princess, this had been pre-arranged and discussed. The announcement was purely for show.

Tarlia continued, “We thank you for your understanding Princess Allura. Like you, we wish to see peace and understanding between all beings. Our race instinctively aims to put others at ease, something it seems you and I share.” The spokeswoman ( _\- spokesapa?_ ) looked Allura up and down to highlight the Altean’s slow shift towards Apaian anatomy and colouring.

Allura chuckled gently, “I confess, I do indeed feel a pull towards you. It has been a long time since I found myself shifting without conscious thought.”

Tarlia’s expression was one of pure warmth, “It is most welcome and reflective of our own open and welcoming philosophy. Now, I have told you what I wish to offer to the Voltron alliance, but here is what we wish to offer the paladins and yourself personally,” She turned to one of her advisors and picked up a simple wooden box. “The contents of this box will help to displve misunderstandings between team members. It is not a cure, but rather a tool that a team can use to improve empathy.”

Allura nodded her head to Coran who stepped forward to receive the gift. This was common, there was a room in the castleship dedicated to housing such gifts. Each one well inspected, cherished and loved before being placed away for safe keeping.

“Thank you Tarlia, we will use it wisely.” Allura inclined her head in respect as the paladins rose. It was time for them to leave the feast and return to the castleship. “With your blessing, we will remain in orbit around Rhexa IV for several days to allow us to complete repairs to our ship and lions, as well as to ensure there is no show of force from the Empire.”

Tarlia returned the gentle nod, “Of course, please feel free to make landfall to replenish your supplies during your stay,” she smiled knowingly at Hunk who looked positively giddy at the thought of new food, “You are all more than welcome to return at any time. We are honoured to have you in our gravitational sphere.”

The leader nodded again, and all seven members of the crew were handed a glass. As one, the Apa raised their own as Tarlia lead them in a toast, “May you feel the warmth of those around you, speak your mind and know you are loved.” She took a deep drink of the golden liquid in her glass, and the paladins took this as their cue to follow suit.

Lance smiled as the drink hit his stomach and warmed him in a way a cool drink had no right to. _Alien drink is weird,_ was as much thought as he gave it before returning to the castleship with the others.

***

By the time they made it back home, Lance was feeling pleasantly floaty. It wouldn’t be the first time an alien race plied them with an intoxicating beverage, it happened surprisingly often. Lance just _hmmm_ happily and enjoyed the warmth that had spread through his entire body. As they walked through the castle, he noticed a change in how the others were interacting. The normally withdrawn (read: Keith and Pidge) were speaking freely, their words tumbling forth without the barest whisper of hesitation. Even Allura and Shiro seemed to be affected. Allura, was normally a picture of elegant grace and tried to maintain distance between herself and her charges, now commiserated freely with Pidge about the difficulties of being the only female of their species they were likely to meet in space. The princess had a hand on Pidge’s shoulder and the two of them took seats next to each other in the lounge instead of scurrying off to their respective hidey holes. Shiro was seated one spot over speaking to Hulk and Keith animatedly about the use of statistics in training sequences (because even traumatised, Shiro was, at heart, a giant nerd). His hands, both metal and human, flailed wildly as he mapped out imaginary figures in the air between the three friends. Keith was leaning forward, eyes bright and open, soaking in every syllable from his older brother.

Indeed, the only people who seemed unaffected were Hunk and Coran. The two men were easily engaged in conversation (a little _too_ easily sometimes), and it seemed that their intoxicated selves were just rather similar to their sober selves.

Lance found himself taking a seat on the ground in the middle of the U-shaped lounge, feeling a strong desire to be close to his team. He watched those around him with a small smile, just happy to be in their company. Coran took a seat next to him, allowing the older Altean to participate in both conversations, and Lance found himself leaning against the red-head’s shoulder. Gradually, the seven bodies shifted closer until nearly everyone was touching. Shiro had an arm around Keith, who had his feet in Hunk’s lap. Pidge was using Shiro’s other side as a leaning post and Allura had her head nestled in Pidge’s lap while the youngest paladin braided and unbraided locks of the princess’s hair. Coran had managed to turn around so his back was against the lounge, and had dragged Lance with him. The blue paladin curled up with his head in Coran’s lap.

The seven friends breathed contentedly, there was a comfortable lull in conversation where they just enjoyed the physical reassurance of their friends and the sleepy warmth of the drink.

“I’m afraid you will leave, and I’ll be alone again.”

The group turned to look at Keith, who was still curled up against Shiro. Keith was biting his lip, clearly regretting his admission.

Pidge was the one who replied, “Why would we leave you? We are a team.”

Keith hesitated, seemingly struggling against words that bubbled up and out of his mouth, “Everyone has left me, that’s what happens to me. I get comfortable, and people leave.”

Hunk rubbed Keith’s feet comfortingly, “No one here is leaving Keith. Regardless of what happens, we are a space family, and nothing can change that.”

Keith flushed as dark as his suit and hid his face against Shiro.

Some distant part of Coran’s brain recognised the signs and catalogued everything with clinical efficiency. The Apa people were known for their openness and respect for what they called mind injuries and illnesses. They had more than one treatment designed to facilitate open communication. Coran would bet his left boot that there had been something other than Rhexian punch in that toast…

That was the small unaffected clinical corner, the rest of his mind just rolled with the punches but noted that there would likely be several revelations tonight.

No part of Coran’s brain was surprised however, when words of his own bubbled to the surface, “I lost my whole family with the destruction of Altea. I see you as more than my charges, but rather as my children.” Coran looked distant for a second, before adding, “my weirdly shaped and coloured children.”

A small chuckle ran around the circle before Pidge spoke up, “I’m worried that I’ll never find dad, or Matt, but I’m also worried that I _will_ find them. And that they will be different. Or that they will be disappointed with who I have become.”

Shiro squeezed the girl he saw as a younger sister tightly with one arm, “Pidge, there is no way they could be disappointed in you. You have become an amazing, universe changing young woman and I am proud to fight alongside of you.”

Pidge looked around with wide eyes at the genuine nods of agreement from her space family. She ducked her head as a tear rolled down her cheek. Shiro laughed gently and pulled her into a tight hug. “We love you Pigeon, and if Matt or your dad have anything to say about it, I’ll fight them.” Pidge laughed wetly and snuggled closer to her leader.

Allura spoke up next, “Like Coran, I lost everyone I ever knew,” she paused and inclined her head towards her advisor, “with one notable exception.” She smiled gently as she continued, “Sometimes I feel so wholly alone. Everything I ever knew is gone and I am fighting a war that is an astronomical number of years in the making. Sometimes I just want to give up and stay in bed. But I know I have to keep going and it weighs so heavily on me.”

Pidge grasped the Allura’s shoulder in support and Coran reached backwards to grab his princess’s hand, “This is not the life we would have chosen for ourselves, and we know we must fight because it is what is right. But I too feel this heavy burden keenly sometimes.” Coran squeezed her hand gently hand, “At least we have each other my dear.”

Allura smiled as Hunk piped up, “You have each other, and you have all of us! Can’t get rid of us that easily!”

The Alteans laughed as Coran conceded the point, “Yes, we do have you all. A fact for which I am eternally grateful.”

Hunk beamed before speaking his own piece, “I get stressed a lot. Sometimes I get so stressed my mind shuts down and I forget how to breathe.”

Lance looked up at his friend, “Panic attacks. You have panic attacks Hunk.”

Hunk bit his lip, “Yeah, I guess that’s probably what they are… Sometimes I can feel it creeping in during battle. But we usually form Voltron by that point. It’s hard to panic when there are four other minds helping to calm you down.”

“Nine, if you add in the Lions!” Pidge added from her spot squished tight against Shiro and underneath Allura.

Hunk smiled fondly, “Yeah, I can always feel Yellow. I know he is there for me.”

Lance beamed, “We’re all here for you buddy. That’s what being a team is!”

They basked in the warmth of, well, let’s call it what it is, the warmth of their cuddle puddle for a while longer before the next confession.

Shiro’s voice was surprisingly steady as he announced, “I think I have PTSD”

The humans in the team met this with variations of laughter and “Yeah no shit..” while Coran and Allura looked confused. The black paladin bit his lip, “It’s a human thing, where your brain gets messed up after you go through something really horrible.”

The Alteans nodded in understanding as Shiro continued, “I’ve been trying to deal with it on my own, but I worry that it’s too much for me to handle.”

Coran hummed, “No one should deal with things like that on their own. We keep saying that we are a team and we support each other.” He paused and looked the head of Voltron in the eye, “Please know that no one here thinks less of you for struggling after what you went through. A good leader leads by example. So, talk to your teammates when you need to.”

Shiro bit his lip, “I wanted so badly to keep it to myself. You should be able to trust me. I shouldn’t be showing you my weakness.”

Keith rolled his eyes, “It’s not weakness Shiro. It’s trauma and you deserve to have support while you deal with it as much as any of us deserve support to work through ours. No one expects you to be perfect, it’s actually better that you are not.” He smiled, “Makes you seem more human.”

Lance nodded in agreement as Shiro paused and looked thoughtful, “Why are we telling each other these things? Seems like a lot of this is stuff we have all tried to keep hidden.”

Allura shrugged, “Seemed like the right time.”

“Given what we know of the Apa culture and tonight’s festivities, I think it would be fair to say that we are all a little drunk,” Pidge concluded.

Coran nodded in agreement, “Intoxicating beverages from Rhexus IV are known to lower inhibitions and often result in what I believe you humans call, “Deep and Meaningful Discussions”.”

Shiro snorted with laughter as Keith responded with, “I love it when you try to speak like a human. I never show it, but inside? I’m pissing myself.”

Coran looked inexplicably chuffed with that piece of news as Keith continued, “We must be drugged if _I_ am feeling like discussing my emotions.”

Allura hummed in agreement, “Do you ever want to talk about your emotions Keith?”

The red paladin snorted gently, “Not really, no.”

“I want to talk about my emotions.” Lance’s voice rang through the room and Allura sighed.

“We know Lance.”

Undeterred, Lance continued, “I am sad.”

Allura closed her eyes and took pleasure in the feel of small fingers running through her hair, “We know, Lance.”

“Sometimes I want to kill myself.”

You could almost hear a record scratch as everyone sat up and looked at the blue paladin.

Allura’s mouth was open, and Keith looked confused. Shiro is the one who spoke, “What do you mean, you want to kill yourself?”

Lance appeared unaffected as he closed his eyes and made himself comfortable in Coran’s lap, “I mean what I said, sometimes my head gets too loud or everything gets too hard and the only way I can think of to get it to stop is to die.”

The silence was deafening and Shiro noted that any lingering feelings of warmth had been chased from his system. Looking around the room, the only one who still seemed to be caught up in the floaty warmth, was Lance. The black paladin made eye contact with Coran and there was a short, silent conversation held that resulted in Lance being scooped up and tucked into the middle of the team cuddle while Coran ran to the medical wing to grab some equipment.

Shiro was determined to put his freshly clear mind to work, “When was the last time you thought you should be dead?”

Lance hummed and appeared thoughtful, “Probably just before the fight today. I was feeling pretty down and then I was late and it all sort of snowballed.”

The rest of the team exchanged horrified glances while Lance seemed to be alone on his island of tipsy haze.

Allura cleared her throat gently, “Uhh Lance, why _were_ you late to the briefing today?”

“Oh, I was having a bit of an anxiety attack and I couldn’t hear the alarm over my mental screaming.” He paused and looked up at Allura, “I am really sorry. I will make sure it never happens again.”

Allura stood suddenly and left the lounge, Lance frowned, “Did I say something wrong?” He sat up and looked at Shiro and the others, “I didn’t mean to. Should I apologise?”

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong, I think she’s needed on the bridge.” Shiro’s voice was tight and he was winging it. Even in his slightly inebriated state, he could see how quickly Lance had begun to panic.

Lance immediately settled, “Oh, that makes sense. I feel like she’s always waiting to tell me I’ve fucked something up.”

Coran took that moment to re-enter the room. He dragged the portable medkit into the room and rested it by the lounge. When the Altean passed his princess in the hall, the woman had been crying. The idea that she had been the unwitting cause of Lance’s most recent bout of suicidality was obviously weighing heavily on her. Coran had stopped in with her briefly, but she assured her advisor that she would be fine and that Lance needed him more. And in this movement, Coran agreed.

He was greatly relived that the princess was not in the room to hear any more of what Lance had to say though. Allura could be harsh on the young paladins, but it came from a good place and hearing Lance’s honest and open confessions would break something in her. The crew could handle this without her for now.

Lance was tucked in between Shiro and Hunk and was seemingly oblivious to the horror of his teammates. He had his eyes closed and a small smile on his face. The team knew that Lance wasn’t always totally honest with his flirty and funny exterior, but they had no idea it was covering something quite this dark.

Shiro pulled Lance in tighter, “Lance, she’s not waiting for you to screw up. She wants us _all_ to be the best we can be.”

Coran knelt in front of the blue paladin and pulled out one of his medical scanners. He worked quietly while Lance continued to mumble his stream of consciousness of insecurities.

“I worry that I don’t bring anything to the team.” “I am just a seat warmer for Blue.” “I’m terrified that my panic is getting in the way of our work.” “What if I can’t focus on a mission and cause us to fall out of Voltron?” “I’m a liability.” “I feel like my head is full of mud.” “I don’t even know how long we have been out here.” “Time has blurred together, and nothing stands out.” “Some days I can barely get out of bed.” The blue paladin began to trail off, his monologue running out of momentum.

The other paladins looked at Coran while he completed his scans and tried their best to reassure Lance who was still weirdly calm and relaxed.

Eventually the small machine “pinged” and Coran cleared his throat, “So aside form the obvious presence of a strange Rhexian substance, Lance has several unhealed injuries as well as a significant decrease in several neurotransmitters that I believe are very important to humans.”

Pidge looked over at the screen, “Dopamine and serotonin. The low dopamine makes it really hard to make decisions as well as slowing down your movement and reflexes. Serotonin fucks up your mood and your sleep and appetite. The two are often low with clinical depression.”

Coran nodded, “Well that goes a fair way to explaining why he is showing signs of sleep deprivation and mild malnutrition.”

“And it also explains while he has been off in training,” Shiro added.

Hunk frowned, “Wait, malnutirion?”

Pidge rolled her eyes, “It’s not a personal attack on you Hunk.”

Hunk huffed, “it’s not that, I just worry about him!”

There was movement from the middle of the cuddle puddle, “Hunk, don’t worry! It’s not your cooking.” Lance chuckled sleepily from his place on the couch. His eyes were sliding closed again and it was obvious he hadn’t paid a lot of attention to anything that had been going on in the last few minutes.

Hunk ran a hand through his hair and sighed, “What are we going to do guys?”

Shiro looked down at the young man who was now sleeping soundly in his lap, “I don’t know, but we have to do _something_.”

Coran nodded and looked at his readouts again, “It seems that the drink Lance had included something to help him sleep. There is a fair chance that Tarlia knows not all is well with our blue paladin.”

Pidge nodded, “He did grab her hand and kiss it, didn’t you say hands and lips were the strongest connection points?”

Coran nodded again, “I think she engineered this scenario to help us realise how much Lance needed our help.” He paused, thinking before continuing, “Shiro, Hunk, why don’t you two carry Lance to his room and get him ready for bed. Pidge, can you please go and check on the princess? I will sent Tarlia a message to confirm my suspicions and Keith? For the love of quiznack, get some sleep. Don’t think we don’t all know you train until 3am each night.”

Shiro watched Keith colour slightly and then nod. The team split up to cover their assigned jobs and he and Hunk scooped their friend up and carried him to bed.

 

***

When Lance woke up, there was no moment of confusion and then a crushing realisation. He could recall everything he said, in perfect clarity.

He could even remember his dreams from the night. They had started warm and calm and then slowly become more and more tainted with his usual anxiety. By the time Lance woke up, he was practically hovering on the edge of a panic attack. He started to hyperventilate as he took in his surroundings. At some point, someone had moved Lance back into his own bed. That someone also changed him into his pyjamas and tucked him in tightly.

If they had done all that, it means that even more of his secrets had been exposed.

The blue paladin plunged head first into a full melt down at _this_ realisation.

Sure, what he had said last night was bad, but at least he had memory of that, and of people’s reactions. But being totally unconscious for the clothing change means Lance had no idea how people had reacted to the scars that littered his legs and lower abdomen. He took great pains to hide this aspect of his struggles from people. If there was one thing Lance did _not_ want, it was pity.

Help? Maybe (secretly, he wanted it desperately). Understanding? It would be appreciated.

But to look around a room and see pity looking back at him?

Nope.

No way.

Pass.

Lance McLain could stand a lot of things, but Keith being nice to him because he was worried Lance would off himself if he didn’t was not one of them.

He forced himself to take deeper breaths.

Lance could do this.

He had carried this shit alone for years, having people know didn’t change anything.

He would walk around with his head held high and deal with his own problems. Lance didn’t need other people to look after him. He could do it alone.

Which is how it needed to be.

Lance knew he was replaceable, a fact that the rest of the team was now also painfully aware of. He knew they would go out of their way to make him feel important for a few days, but then they would forget and move on.

And Lance would be alone.

Again.

He would be strong and carry his issues alone. Brick them up behind a wall, because the only one who should have to deal with this was him. Better to act as if nothing had changed than to get used to having help, only to have it slip away.

Head held high, Lance clung to his reasoning as he got dressed and left his room. His mind a loop of, “ _you can do this”_ and “ _they don’t deserve to carry your shit”_ as he made his way to the lounge. He was so focused on his task that Lance totally missed Hunk standing in the kitchen doorway until he walked bodily into him and bounced back with an “ _oof_ ”.

Hunk grabbed his friend’s arms to steady him, looking down with a wide grin, “You right there? You seem to be off in your own little world.”

Lance took a second to mentally prepare himself before looking up at Hunk and arranging his face into his trademark smile, “You know me! I’m always fiiinnnee.” He added a wink on the last word, as well as some finger guns.

Hunk sighed and shook his head, “You’re an idiot, but you’re _my_ idiot… Come in here and get some food, you must be starving.” He grabbed Lance by the hand and dragged him into the kitchen, plonking him down at the bench.

Lance stared at the table. He was surprised that it was not bending under the weight of the sheer volume of food on it. Hunk had really gone all out this morn-- Lance looked at his watch, it was 1pm by castle standard time. Huh, long sleep.

 _Fuck, Allura would kill him._ Panic hit hime again like a tidal wave and Lance scrabbled to make sure as little as possible of it showed on his face..

Hunk must have caught the sudden shift in his friend’s demeanour anyway, because suddenly he was spinning the bench stool around and crouching down to meet Lance’s eyes.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Is it the food? Did I make too much? You know I’m a stress baker. I can’t help it, it runs in the family. But I can get rid of it, I can…”

Lance’s embarrassingly wet chuckled broke Hunk out of _his_ panic, “No, no it’s not that. I know you cook a to cope. It’s sweet.” The blue paladin smiled tightly and patted Hunk on the arm.

Hunk frowned, “Ok, so what’s got your heart rate hitting 208 then?”

At the mention of his previous burst of panic, Lance felt it seeping back through his wall.

“See? There it goes again. You’re panicking. Don’t think I can’t tell. Because I can.” Hunk crossed his arms and set his face in a way that said, “ _I will quiznacking quiznack you up if you don’t speak.”_ And Lance ran a surprisingly shaky hand through his short hair.

“It’s…” he sighed, “I didn’t realise how late it was. Allura is going to be so mad, she’s always on me for being late and this is _really_ late.”

Hunk smiled, “Hey, don’t worry… Aside from it being really obvious you _needed_ the sleep in, Allura gave us all the morning off. I was going to come in and tell you, but you looked really beat. I was headed down to get you for lunch when you ran into me.”

The yellow paladin bit his lip, “You do know that I wouldn’t just leave you right? Like, you know I’d remember to come and get you.”

Lance smiled goofily, “Of course! How could you forget _ME?_ ”

Hunk shook his head, “No, bro. Like, for real. I won’t leave you if you have to be somewhere.”

Lance dropped the bravado and looked down at his hands. They had stopped shaking, and were now just laying in his lap, “Thanks Hunk. Means a lot…”

Hunk beamed, “Damn right it does!” He pushed himself up off the floor and dusted off his knees, “Now, want to help me carry all this food into the dining room? Like I said, it’s lunch time and a lot of us slept late today, so we’re having a big one!”

Lance grabbed two big serving platters and followed Hunk into the dining room, where the rest of the crew was assembled. Allura had her hair down and relaxed lounge wear on, Pidge was furiously typing on her laptop, Keith seemed to still be half asleep, head back, mouth open and Shiro and Coran were arguing heatedly over what looked a lot like a crossword puzzle.

Lance smiled at the rather odd tableau as he approached the table. Hunk started putting plates down and Lance followed suit. However, when he went to return to the kitchen with Hunk, the blue paladin found himself pushed down into a chair with a firm, “ _Stay”_ and a fierce look from his best friend.

Pidge looked up long enough to laugh and then went back to her laptop. Lance had found himself seated between a sleepy and slightly drooling Keith and a frustrated Shiro, “No, no _NO!_ Coran I told you, you _cannot_ fill in the spaces with random words. I told you! They have to be certain words! Words from that are the answers to the puzzles.”

Coran’s moustache twisted slightly, “That makes absolutely no sense. Why do they have to be special words? Surely so long as the puzzle all works out then the goal has been achieved?”

Shiro dropped his head to his human hand for a moment, “No. See,” he sighed, “if you don’t put in the correct words, the puzzle _won’t_ work out.”

Coran threw his hands up, “This is a stupid puzzle! It is so heavily dependent on familiarity with the language and social and cultural references that even species from opposite ends of the same planet would struggle completing it.”

“Coran’s right,” Pidge never looked up form the screen as she chimed in, “it’s why math is way cooler.”

Coran was nodding frantically, “At least her math makes sense regardless of language. Unlike you and your stupid word games.”

Shiro rested his forehead on the table, “But none of that explains why _I_ can’t enjoy filling in my crossword in peace.”

Lance chucked at the exchange, there were few things better than exasperated Shiro and confused-by-humanity Coran.

The pair looked up at the newcomer to the table and smiled. Lance felt any trace of humour slide from his face as they turned their attention to him.

“Lance, my boy! How was your sleep?!” Coran’s moustache was vibrating with enthusiasm and Lance felt himself knocked backwards by it.

“Uhhh, good?”

Coran beamed, “Excellent, excellent! We have a big afternoon today and it’s good to be well rested!”

Lance’s stomach dropped, but this was overshadowed by the reappearance of Hunk with even more food.

Pidge sniffed niffed the air twice before she was pulled away from her screen, “I don’t know what that is, but it smells fucking-“

“ _Language!_ ”

“- amazing!” Pidge snapped her head towards Coran, “I’m a defender of the universe, I can swear if I want.”

Coran laughed and shook his head, “Aren’t you 12?”

Shiro clapped the youngest paladin on the shoulder, “I think if she’s old enough to die for the rebellion, then she’s probably old enough to say “fuck”, Coran.”

Pidge smiled, satisfied, “Yeah, fuck you Coran.”

Shiro cuffed his space sister on the back of the head, “Just because I said you can say fuck, doesn’t mean you get to be rude.”

The rest of the team chuckled and began heaping food onto plates. Lance was still in his own world of anxiety, so it took several seconds for him to realise there was a plate of food in front of him. Hunk elbowed his friend gently and looked down at the plate pointedly. Lance followed his gaze and found a plate of steamed vegetables, some sort of white meat and a grain. Hunk bumped against his shoulder, “I thought you might like something a bit lighter than the rest of the food.”

Lance looked dumbly across the rest of the fare, which seemed to be either creamy or fried. He nodded and picked up his space fork and speared a bit of… Green.. something..

Hunk smiled approvingly and loaded up his own plate.

The next 20 minutes was filled with “ _Mmmm”_ s and “ _This is amazing”_ s, but eventually the food was mostly gone and the plates cleared away.  The small ball of anxiety that had mostly faded across the course of the meal returned with a vengeance. Food was gone, and now it was time for afternoon training.

Which was apparently going to be a “big one”.

Lance was worrying his lip when Allura stood from the table, “Paladins, this afternoon we will be going through some bonding exercises. I think it would be good to build on last night’s sharing.”

This was basically the worst thing Lance could have imagined. He allowed himself to be swept up with the rest of the paladins as they moved from the dining room to the lounge. They usually used the lounge for these exercises because it was more comfortable to sit in that in the floors in the training room.

Lance took his traditional spot on the couch and waited with numb patience for the rest of the paladins to take their seats. Allura stood in the middle of the U-shaped lounge with a small brown box in her hands. Lance recognised it as gift given the day before by the Apaian spokesperson.

Allura cleared her throat, “I was planning on leaving this for another time, but I think now is as good a time as any.” She sat on the floor, crossed legged and sat the plain box in front of her, “Inside this box is some fruit from Rhexus IV. It is rather rare and difficult to come by, but it was gifted to the crew of this ship as a token of gratitude for freeing this planet from the Galra. The fruit has a few uncanny abilities, but the most notable is that it allows non-telepathic beings to develop touch telepathy similar to that of the Apaian people.”

Shiro looked around at the team, “Tarlia felt that it would help us to strengthen the bonds between the crew of the Castleship, and to increase the level of empathy we had for each other.”

Allura nodded in agreement, “She felt that we are not as compassionate towards our own team as we are to strangers. She thought this odd, given that we are required to put our lives in each other’s hands every day.”

Shiro was leaning forward, his arms braced on his knees, “I understand that this is not going to be a particularly comfortable experience for any of us, but it is a necessary one. We will all be taking part, Coran and Allura included. This is not just about forming Voltron, it is about making it through this war, more or less, in one piece.” Shiro smiled gently, “At the end of the exercise, you will have the opportunity to spend some time on Rhexus if you desire. Tarlia has offered the use of several of their facilities, but she has recommended some specific ones for specific people. We can talk about it a bit later, but please know that we don’t intend to throw you into this exercise and then leave you to deal with the fallout alone. The whole point of this is to be more aware of what we are each dealing with, not to break something in you.”

Leading off that slightly ominous statement, Allura opened the box and pulled out the fruit. Each fruit was about the size of a mandarin but shaped like a grape. And bright purple. Allura gently pulled a single manda-grape off the bunch and cut it into sevenths. “The fruit of the Quiv’ert is reasonably sweet, I believe you will like it,’’ she said as the prepared the fruit, “after we each eat our piece, we must choose who will go first. The effects of the fruit are not the same as the abilities of the Apa, in that for each quiv’ert berry, only one person’s mindstate can be shared. We will each touch the forehead of the selected person to open the link. The link lasts approximately thirty dobashes, and then we can consume a piece of the next berry and move on to the next person.” The princess paused, looking slightly worried, “am I being clear enough?”

“Clear as mud – _oof,_ ” Keith was cut off by Hunk’s elbow to the shoulder.

“I think we get it, right guys?” Hunk looked around at his friends and took in their expressions as they nodded. Pidge and Keith looked slightly bored, Coran and Allura serious, while Lance and Shiro were bordering on pale. Which made sense, Hunk supposed, the two of them probably had the most to reveal.

Allura nodded firmly and distributed the first segments. Hunk noted that it looked a lot like a mandarin segment, but with a grape skin. Mentally, he approved the name “manda-grape” and filed it in the pantry of his mind.

Following the lead of the princess, they each began to eat their fruit. Lance’s stomach wanted to rebel at the thought of food, but the quiv’ert really did taste wonderful, at least there was _one_ upside to this all.

As soon as they were all finished their pieces, Shiro spoke, “Do we have any volunteers to start us off?”

Predictably, there was no flurry of offers and Shiro sighed, prompting Coran to step forward, “I will go first, I can be your warm up!”

Shiro and Allura chuckled softly. One by one, they each made their way over to the red-headed advisor and touched two fingers to his forehead. Lance gasped softly at the flood of feelings and emotions that flooded his body at the brief contact. Once the contact was broken, the tidal wave of input ceased, and left a small trickle in its place.

Allura smiled once they had all completed the first step of the task. “You should now feel a connection to Coran that is not dissimilar to the one you feel to your lions. The difference is that Coran is not actively “sending” information, but you will feel as he does. It should feel a little distant though. If you feel like you are unable to distinguish yourself from the target, please say something. We can sever the connection early if we need to.”

The paladins nodded as one, and then smiled involuntarily as they felt the wave of affection Coran felt for them all.

The advisor laughed, “As you can feel, I do, indeed, think of you all as my oddly shaped and coloured family.” He paused before continuing and everyone felt the change in emotions, “Allura is all I have left from my old life. I often long for the family I am worried I will forget, but watching you all grow as people, and as a team goes a long way to soothe the loss.”

Coran had gravitated closer to the group and the next half varga passed with bittersweet stories of Altea and people long since passed. The group saw the tender side to the advisor that he often attempted to hide with confidence and dad-humour because he was afraid that if he took it all too seriously, he would have his heart broken again.

Soon, Coran’s time was up and the link began to fade. Apparently, the chemical compound in the fruit that facilitated the link was quickly destroyed in non-acidic environments. The second it left the stomach, it was destroyed.

Pidge offered to go next, and for a short while, the team was enraptured by her love of mathematics and its naturally evolving beauty. She spoke of her favourite equations and systems and for the first time they all found themselves losing time to the youngest members descriptions. But they could also taste the pangs of loneliness, insecurity and loss behind it all. Pidge’s connection to Matt and her father was always at the heart of her stories, and their absence was keenly felt. They could also feel her heartbreak and isolation when the connection began to wane, as well as a quick flash of anger. When asked, she replied simply, “It was nice to be understood, if only for awhile.”

Lance bit his lip and resolved to try harder to understand what Pidge was working on. To not be able to share your passion with your friends was incredibly isolating.

Shiro prodded Keith to go next. The red paladin’s mind was nothing but frustration and worry, Lance discovered. Frustration at not being able to be better, frustration at this exercise, worry that once they realised this was all he was they would leave, the burning need to build walls to protect himself. Keith said very little during his turn, simply allowing the others to marinate in his own thoughts. Lance pushed out with his own mind in the same way he did to find Blue and found himself caught in an undercurrent of panic.

Thoughts tumbled through the link in an almost incoherent stream of “ _thisisstupid ivegotnothingtoshare godlancewillyoustopstaringatme whyisithardtobreatheagain holycrapcananyonehearthis? Nanananablahahaha youcanthearmepanic”_

Lance almost laughed, before realising that that would really not be forgivable right now. Instead he shuffled closer to his “rival”, “Hey Keith, you know talking about things helps sometimes, right?”

Lance felt, as much as saw, Keith roll his eyes. Hunk chimed in as Lance went to speak, “Lance is right. Feeling this on edge all the time isn’t normal, and some of it we might be able to actually help with.”

Keith fought the urge to roll his eyes again, and instead looked around the room. He locked eyes with Shiro, who nodded encouragingly, spurring Keith to finally speak, “I’m just so… I don’t know. I am not good with words… I just feel wound tight, all the time. It’s why I train a lot, and its what Lance gets under my skin so quickly.” The red paladin threw Lance a tight smile, “I don’t mean to be an asshole _all_ the time.”

Lance chuckled, “Nah, just most of it.”

Hunk smiled approvingly as he felt the tight ball of anxiety, lets call it what it is, loosen slightly.

Shortly after, the connection broke and the team looked to Allura for more fruit.

Allura smiled, “My turn I think?”

Allura’s mind was single minded focus, overshadowing a deep and profound hurt. The hurt, Lance surmised, came from the same place as Coran’s. Though, unlike Coran, who played it off with a twitch of his moustache and a bad joke, Allura covered it with a stiff and unforgiving attitude towards their mission. As Lance teased it all apart, he felt a thread of regret weave its way through the picture. He touched it gently and found that it pulsed with the same fondness for the paladins as Coran’s mind did, but he watched as Allura forced it away to make more room for the job.

No major surprises there, then. At that thought he caught an edge of wicked wit and silliness. He found himself remembering the food goo fight and the way Allura played with the mice.

Maybe their princess wasn’t all work all the time. Lance made another mental note, this tome to nourish the seed of childishness within the princess, encourage her to blow off steam with the younger team members more often.

When Allura’s link subsided, she looked at the remaining three, “I don’t want to say we were saving the worst for last, but it seems to have worked out that way doesn’t it?”

Hunk looked confused, Lance stared at the ground, and Shiro stared at a totally different section of ground. Allura distributed the next pieces and walked to Shiro, “You can’t avoid this forever you know.”

Shiro sighed, “I know, I know…” He looked around, “Sorry guys..”

Once the link was opened, it became immediately obvious that his would be vastly different to the previous connections. Lance noticed that he was suddenly very aware of everything in the room. He couldn’t help but catalogue every movement and the position of each of his teammates. There was a bubble of something in his gut, _anxiety_ , his mind supplied, but the word didn’t seem to resonate appropriately. This was something different. Related, but different.

Suddenly, Coran shifted, and Lance found himself snapping around to focus on the movement. The man had just repositioned himself, nothing to be alarmed by. But then why was his heart hammering in his chest?

There was someone speaking, but Lance couldn’t make out the words. They were loud and clear, but their meaning was totally lost on him. They may as well have been speaking German.

When the mice suddenly appeared, and knocked the fruit knife of the top of the box and sent it clattering to the floor, Lance was not the only one who reacted. He was, however, the only one who shot to his feet and found himself vaulting over the back of the couch, bayard drawn and using the back of the cushions to steady the barrel.

Shiro was still sitting still, head in his hands, and Allura was standing in Lance’s sights, hands raised.

Coran was the one who spoke, “Perhaps we should sever Lance’s connection, yes?”

Everyone other than Lance and Shiro nodded furiously and Coran dug through the box for another, smaller berry and slowly approached Lance, who had yet to lower his bayard.

“Lance, my boy, lower your gun. You are safe here.”

Lance looked at the older man and assessed the situation. Coran was armed only with what looked like a bunch of loganberries. _Minimal threat._ His head, or was it Shiro’s, catalogued. Slowly, Lance deactivated his bayard and Coran took another step forward. “Please eat one of these, it’s to make you feel better.”

Lance narrowed his eyes but took the proffered fruit. He popped a small berry into his mouth and grimaced slightly at the bitter taste. It took precious long seconds before his link to Shiro dissolved and Lance found himself seating on the floor, with his back to the lounge.

Had he really been about to fire on the princess? Shame welled up in his gut but the swell of feeling was cut short but the feeling of a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Coran smiling sadly. He offered Lance a hand and slowly pulled the blue paladin to his feet. Coran steered Lance back around the room and onto the couch. He clapped his hands together, “So, now that we have separated from Shiro, shall we talk about what just happened?”

Lance was ready to curl up in a ball and forget the whole thing, but was interrupted in this by Pidge, “Shiro, is that what you always feel like?”

Shiro laughed darkly, “No, no it’s often worse.” Hunk frowned at their leader with concern as Shiro continued, “I’m sorry guys. I knew it would suck, but I didn’t think it would affect you all that much.”

Lance had his arms wrapped around himself, waiting for the residual adrenaline to fade. Shiro looked at him and smiled sadly, “I’m really sorry Lance.”

Lance shook his head gently, “s’not your fault.”

Keith looked over at his brother with concern, “Shiro, how are you coping with all this?”

The team looked at their leader as he sighed, “Honestly? I don’t know, but I don’t really have a choice. I just try to keep it all underwraps until I can deal with it alone.”

Allura reached over to the oldest human, “You _can’t_ deal with things like this alone. It’s not sustainable.” She frowned, “We may not be able to fix it, but maybe being able to talk to us will help you deal a bit?”

Shiro nodded, “Yeah, maybe.”

“Can we talk about the way Lance reacted?” Pidge was looking a little pale, “Is that kinda how you would react if you didn’t have your feelings on lock down?”

“Yeah, yeah it kinda is,” Shiro was looking at his hands again, “I’m always really aware of everything that’s going on, and I have to have my body on lockdown.” He smiled, “You should see how hard I take surprises when it’s just me and Black and no one else around.”

Pidge was still frowning, “Sounds like permanent hypervigilance,” she smiled wryly, “Surprise, surprise it’s part of PTSD.”

Shiro threw her a bemused smile, as Coran “ _Hmmmm”_ ed, “You know, I think there is something we can do for this.” He paused, “I don’t want to promise anything, but leave it with me. I think we can help you deal with this Shiro. It’s not going to stay this severe.”

The head of Voltron nodded, “Sounds good to me.”

Hunk coughed, “So, my turn I guess?”

Allura nodded, “Let’s move on.” She handed out the next pieces of fruit and dropped a hand to Hunk’s shoulder, “are you ready?”

Hunk nodded, and Allura busied herself opening the connection.

Lance was expecting to feel the wave of anxiety that hit him. Hunk wasn’t puking constantly because he had a weak stomach. It was just the way his anxiety expressed itself.

Coran was nodding to himself, “Ok, so it looks like Hunk might also be in need of something to take the edge off.”

Hunk chuckled to himself, “It’s not that bad.”

Pidge turned to look at him, jaw dropped, “Seriously? I feel like I am vibrating out of my skin.”

Shiro and Lance smiled as Hunk waved her off, “This is nothing, you should feel what happens when one of you is injured, or I can’t get in contact with someone during a battle.”

Coran huffed a laugh, “Ok, so Hunk _really_ needs something to take the edge off then.”

In spite of the anxiety they could all feel thrumming under their skin, the group laughed. It was something Hunk was always very thankful for. He might get anxious a lot, but he never got sucked into the deep pool of depression that so often consumed Lance. Even when he was so tightly wound it was hard to concentrate, he could still find it in himself to focus on something positive and use it as an anchor.

Hunk spent the last 20 or so dobashes of his time walking the rest of the team through some of the mindfulness exercises he found rather helpful. He may not have realised that the moments where the panic became all consuming could be considered panic attacks, but boy, did Hunk know how to handle his shit.

By the end of Hunk’s turn, everyone other than Lance was feeling much calmer. Shiro was quietly filing the exercises away for future use, and even Keith seemed to be in better control of himself.

Lance, however, seemed to be wound tight enough to snap. Allura smiled comfortingly, “Ok, last, but not least. Lance.” She turned to the team, “The Apa have provided something slightly different for Lance, there is the quiv’ert, but also an adjunct that separates us slightly more. You will get a sense of how Lance feels on average across a day, rather than what he is currently feeling. Because, if I am correct,” the princess turned to smile gently at Lance, “What he is feeling at the moment is not typical for him. I think it’s mostly a reaction to this exercise.”

Lance tried to smile with his trademark cocky grin, but it was clear it missed the mark.

Sighing, he dropped his eyes, “Yeah, you’re not wrong.” Allura nodded knowingly, “Ok, this will also last a little longer, so instead of sitting here and chatting, we will all head up to the training room and work through one of the low level team exercises. Given what we know about Lance’s physical state, it is important that we understand how it affects his work.”

Lance’s stomach dropped further, even as hope of being understood bloomed in his gut.

Allura passed out the quiv’ert segments, as well as dark green, mint looking leaf. She smiled encouragingly at Lance, “It’s going to be ok.”

Lance sighed as he chewed his magical fruit, “sure, princess.” He dropped his head to the back of the lounge and waited for the effects of it all to hit.

The first think Keith noticed was how distant everything felt. His body, his emotions, everything. It wasn’t quite numb, but he couldn’t _quite_ bring himself to give a shit about it either.

Allura sighed and pushed herself off the couch, “Ok guys, lets head up to the training deck.”

Everyone made their way out of the lounge and up to the deck. Lance was very aware that the team was moving far slower than usual. Keith was inching closer to Shiro with every step and Pidge was leaning against Hunk.

Lance knew how they were feeling. He was used to feeling the magnetic need to be physically close to the others, but he was paranoid about coming across as clingy and needy. At least the others had the safety net of knowing that they all felt the same way right now. Lance still couldn’t bring himself to give into the pull though. He watched with a heavy heart as all the others paired up for physical contact, leaving him out in the cold again.

By the time they made it to the training deck, the other paladins felt physically exhausted. Shiro wasn’t unfamiliar with the feeling and was able to push it to the back of his mind. “Ok guys, let’s get to work.”

The simulator fired up and the team got to work. They weren’t working seamlessly, everyone seemed to a beat behind and the droids they were meant to be defeating were getting in several hits that should never have landed. Eventually, Coran called an end to the sim.

They all made their way over to the corner of the room and slowly, each slid to the floor. Lance avoided eye contact with the rest of the team, and so he missed the way everyone else sagged under the weight of his emotions.

Shiro was exhausted as everyone else, but he pushed on, “So, how are we all feeling?”

Several team members laughed darkly, but it was Pidge who spoke up, “Like death. Literally, like death.”

Hunk surprised Lance by shuffling close and pulling his friend in close. “Well, I think we all know that when Pidge says, “Like death”, they actually mean “Kinda like dying”. And I think we can all agree that even moving when you feel this _fucking_ shit, is bloody hard.” He nudged Lance into lifting his head. Lance looked around at the rest of his team. They looked beat down but were staring at Lance with understanding in their eyes.

Hunk pressed on, “I can’t speak for the rest of you, but every mistake I made over the last 20 dobashes are playing over and over in my mind and I have this _horrible_ urge to make sure I am punished for each one of them.”

Lance tried to curl himself into a small ball as Keith spoke for the first time since starting the training simulation, “Lance, why do my wrists itch?”

There was a beat of silence while the team waited for their friend to speak, “Lance?”

Lance shook himself slightly, “Probably because I am dying to scurry off into a corner and cut myself.”

Keith nodded absently, “Yeah, that feels about right.”

Shiro raised an eyebrow at Lance’s reply and Keith’s reaction, “So we will all be closely supervising each other for the next few hours then..” He looked at Allura, “I think maybe we should end the connection, so we can talk about this and come up with a plan.”

The team were in varying states, but everyone seemed unfocused and distracted. Lance felt himself start to tremble. The rest of the team all got to walk away from this, for them it was only temporary. He would have to live with it for the foreseeable future.

Lance cringed further as he realised he was jealous of his teammates. He felt his face burn with shame as tears started to slip quietly down his face. There was no way he would wish this feeling on them permanently, but it just seemed so unfair that he had to suffer alone.

Shiro’s brow creased with worry as he looked around the room. Allura was handing out the connection-breaking berries and Shiro watched as the face of each paladin focused and cleared. All except Lance who, unsurprisingly, was unaffected. Shiro frowned more deeply as he watched his younger space-sibling, as the team had insisted on calling themselves, curl in on himself. He stood and walked over to Lance, settling himself on the ground next to him.

“You doing ok kid?”

Lance shook his head slightly, “Not really, no.”

Shiro nodded, “What can I do to help?”

Lance shrugged and pulled his knees up to his chest, “I’m just exhausted.” Shiro nodded and brought an arm up to pull Lance into his side. Shiro had not forgotten the need for physical reassurance that had gripped him earlier and he was more than pleased when Lance seemed to wiggle closer, allowing him to burrow into his space-brother’s side.

“I just want to sleep. For a really long time.”

Frowning, Shiro tilted his head to rest on top of Lance’s. He made eye contact with Coran, who nodded and quietly left to get the sleep aid they two of them had discussed earlier. Shiro knew from experience that lack of sleep compounded everything, and if they could get Lance well rested, it would likely go a long way to helping him feel better.

“So, now that we are feeling more ourselves, would anyone like to talk about what happened?” Allura’s voice cut through the tension in the room. Keith and Pidge were staring at Lance with open concern, but Hunk was more than ready to discuss how to help his best friend. “It was really hard to focus on everything going on around me. I felt like I couldn’t make decisions fast enough to actually be useful.”

Allura nodded, “I felt the same way. It felt like there was too much going on and all I wanted to do was sit down and let it all just wash over me.”

The others nodded in agreement as Allura pulled up the statistics from the session, “Pidge and Keith, you two suffered the biggest drop in speed and accuracy. How did the session feel to you?”

Pidge frowned, “I have to use a lot of math to calculate angles and tactics when I’m fighting with my katar. I don’t think a single one of my attacks were actually successful today.” She looked at Allura for confirmation before continuing, “Like Hunk said, I couldn’t work fast enough to get my weapon to work like it should.”

Allura nodded, “What about you Keith?”

Keith bit his lip, “I could fight, but I couldn’t do that and defend myself at the same time. So, I ended up putting all my energy into offensive attacks and just letting the bots land hits.”

Shiro looked over at his brother, “Why do you think that is?”

Keith bit his lip, “I decided that it was better for me to be hit than for someone else to get injured.”

“Does that help to explain some of Lance’s more “reckless” decisions?”

Keith nodded, “Yeah, it really does.”

Lance could feel himself start to cry again, and he prayed that the team wouldn’t notice, or that they would just ignore it. At least this crying was the silent type, not the loud and obnoxious type.

Allura continued, “So Shiro, your scores are very similar to how you normally fight. How did it all feel to you?”

“I’m normally hyperfocused when we fight, so feeling so distant was really unnerving. But I also have a fair bit of practice pushing away mental distractions, so a lot of the same techniques were useful here.” He tugged Lance a little tighter, “Doesn’t hurt that I knew what feelings to expect, and I could prepare myself before it all hit.”

Allura nodded, “I think we can all agree that it was really hard to function properly, and the fact that Lance can fight and train at all while feeling like this is honestly astounding.”

Everyone nodded and Shiro nudged Lance into looking around the room. Lance bit his lip and frowned, “I’m just trying to do my job, it’s nothing to be proud of.”

Shiro squeezed Lance again, “Well, we have fought in your shoes, and we think it is.”

Lance coloured and pushed away from Shiro, pulling himself to his feet, “It’s really not. I’m barely getting by! You would all be so much better off with a paladin that can actually freaking _function_.” He stalked towards the door, the need to _get out, get away, hide,_ was thrumming in his veins and making it impossible to sit still.

Shiro and the rest of the room surged to their feet as they tried to calm Lance down and keep him in the room.

Hunk made a grab for his friend’s hand while Keith moved to block the exit. Lance shook Hunk off and stormed towards Keith with fire in his eyes. “ _Move.”_

Keith shook his head, “No.”

“Move. _Now._ ”

Keith stood his ground, “If you want me to move, you are going to have to make me.”

Lance growled and went to make a grab for his rival, trying to pull him out of the way. Keith turned him around smoothly and gripped him tightly to his chest. He struggled, but Keith held him firmly, waiting for Lance to tire himself out. Now that the connection had been broken, the exhaustion that plagued him had faded and left Keith feeling energised in comparison.

It took a shockingly brief time for Lance to give in and he suddenly sagged in Keith’s arms, all the fight and rage leaving as swiftly as it had come. Keith lowered them both to the floor and held Lance firmly. Coran found the two of them on the floor by the door when he returned minutes later.

Lance was sobbing gently in Keith’s arms and the rest of the team was standing around and watching the pair with concern.

Coran crouched down in front of the pair and rested a hand gently on Lance’s shoulder, “Son, how about we all move to the lounge and sit somewhere a little more comfortable?” He looked up and glanced around at the others in the room, “How does that sound?”

There were murmurs of agreement and Coran took that as his cue to help lift Lance to his feet and leading the way to the lounge.

When they arrived, Shiro looked around at the usually clinical room. The lights had been dimmed and the floor in the middle of the couch ring had been raised and padded to make one giant bed and it had been filled with pillow and blankets. He nodded appreciatively as Coran helped Keith settle Lance into the middle of the make-shift bed.

Pidge piled in next and Hunk practically vaulted over the back of the couch to divebomb into the middle. The two of them wasted no time in cuddling up to their friend and Pidge grabbed Keith by the hand and roughly pulled him into their cuddle puddle.

Keith looked uncomfortable for a second before giving in and settling into the mound of blankets.

Allura bustled into the room carrying a tray with a pot of tea and some cups that Coran had left in the training room, “Tarlia gave us some tea to share. She said it promotes restful and peaceful sleep. I think this would be a good time to use it.”

Coran nodded and helped pass the cups around as Lance sat himself up to accept his. He nodded in thanks and took a sip. The tea was light and fruity and helped sooth the edge of his anxiety.

Allura took a sip from her own cup and sat down with the rest of the crew. Coran put the teapot down and flopped backwards into the cuddle puddle. “Are you coming Shiro?”

Shiro took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the bed. With everything that had happened during the day, he was feeling a little on edge. Coran nodded at the cup in his hand, “I’ll help,” he said softly. Shiro nodded and took a sip. True to Coran’s word, it did help him to relax. The itch at the back of Shiro’s neck that told him he needed to check his six faded to a level he could ignore with little effort. He allowed himself to lean into the paladin pile and sighed as the physical contact helped him to relax even further.

He surveyed his team and realised that Lance was already well and truly asleep and the others were well on their way. Coran had cleared away the tea cups as soon as they were finished and was now tucking his “weirdly shaped children” into the blankets and making sure they were comfortable and warm. Shiro sipped on his tea as Coran and Allura settled down next to him.

“Are we going to leave them sleeping here?”

Coran smiled, “Seemed like it would be a good continuation of today’s bonding exercise.”

Shiro nodded, “Are you two saying here as well?”

Allura shrugged, “It’s not like there is a shortage of space.”

Shiro tried to ignore the bubble of anxiety that made itself known at the thought of sleeping around the rest of the team. He took another sip of his tea and allowed himself to be calmed by it.

Allura frowned, “What’s got you suddenly tense?”

Shiro took a deep breath and reminded himself sternly that _everyone_ on the team needed to open up and communicate, “I sometimes get really bad nightmares.” He looked up at the princess sheepishly, “I’m worried about how the others will take it.”

Coran placed a hand on his shoulder, “It’s hard to let people who look to you for advice and leadership see you as vulnerable.” Shiro nodded as Coran continued, “But it’s important, not only for them, but for you. You don’t have to do it all alone.”

Shiro leant into Coran’s hand and allowed the older man to comfort him.

Allura nodded, “Coran is right.”

“I always am!” the man in question interjected.

Allura opted to ignore him in favour of continuing the serious moment, “He and I will be awake for a while, we’ll watch out for you. Promise.”

Shiro looked at Coran, who nodded in support, “I think the human phrase is “We’ve got your back”.”

Shiro smiled, “Ok, I’ll stay here tonight then.”

Coran nodded, “You did really well today, by the way. You put up a great front to help the others through, but it couldn’t have been easy on you.”

Shiro blushed slightly and allowed Coran to take his finished cup of tea and be pulled down so he was almost laying in Coran’s lap. Shiro’s feet were tucked up under one of the other paladins, who had turned over to snuggle into the back of his legs. If asked to put money on it, Shiro would bet it was Pidge. The girl was an octopus when asleep.

He closed his eyes and tried to relax. To his immense surprise, exhaustion caught up with him, and Shiro found himself drifting off.

***

Hunk was the first awake in the morning.

Carefully, he extricated himself from the paladin puppy pile and moved quietly into the kitchen. He was usually the first up, used to preparing the morning meal, that meant hitting the kitchen early.

True to form, the next person up was Coran. The two of them had a routine and Hunk sought a great deal of comfort in it. They worked smoothly together, occasionally bickering over trivial things, but moving around the space like it was a choreographed dance. They often spoke about the upcoming day, how the rest of the team was doing, engineering problems that had them stuck, any topic was fair game. It helped both of them mentally prepare themselves for the day ahead as well as solidifying their friendship.

This morning was no different, though Coran thought Hunk looked more relaxed than he had in some time. When asked Hunk simply smiled and replied, “It was a really good night’s sleep.”

The two men prepared breakfast with ease and then swept back into the lounge to wake the others.

Allura was still asleep, her hair draped across her face in a soft grey mess. The mice had created a nest in it overnight and Coran smiled as he took in his princess. She looked more at peace and vulnerable than she ever allowed the others to see her, and Coran hoped that it helped break down the image of her that some of the paladins had built in their head.

And then placed on a pedestal.

Allura may be royalty, but she was still only Altean.

Pidge and Keith were laying back to back, but had their legs tangled under a doona, but Lance was sitting up and speaking in a low voice to Shiro who was sitting up with his legs drawn up to his chest and his head in hands.

Lance was rubbing slow circles on Shiro’s back and keeping up a constant stream of quiet reassurances. Lance smiled tightly at Hunk and Coran as they set the plates of food down and mouthed “ _nightmare_ ” at the other two.

Coran nodded grimly, and Hunk sighed. Shiro was as white as a sheet, but the colour was slowly returning to his face and his breathing was returning to a more human pace. Lance kept up his quiet murmurs until Shiro raised his head and looked around the room. He caught Hunk and Coran’s eye and flushed deeply, looking away quickly.

Hunk cleared his throat, “We’ve got breakfast, if you are interested.”

Shiro nodded, as he quietly thanked Lance and climbed out of the blanket nest, “Thanks, Hunk. That sounds good.”

Lance followed his leader over to the table of food, “This all looks amazing guys.”

Hunk beamed and produced another plate from behind his back, “I made this for you especially. Say what you want, but I know that you can’t be feeling the heavy breakfast food right now, so I made you some crepes.” Hunk paused, “Or, rather, the closet thing to crepes I could make in space.”

Lance looked down at the plate and saw something that really did resemble crepes, as well as a selection of fresh fruits.

“Thanks Hunk, it means a lot.”

Coran popped his head over Hunk’s shoulder, “I helped you know!”

Lance rolled his eyes and smiled fondly, “Thank you too Coran.” He took his plate and wandered over to where Shiro had sat himself with his plate. It seemed to be a combination of a rice-like grain, fish and something that looked suspiciously like a pop-tart.

Lance raised and eyebrow, “Is that really a pop-tart?”

Shiro laughed quietly, “What? I can’t pick up a love of some American foods?”

“You can eat what ever you want, but the real question is, _where did Hunk and Coran find pop tarts?!_ ” Lance was a little less quiet and his shout had the other’s waking up with a groan that was immediately replaced by appreciative noises as they realised there was food.

Shiro was still laughing when he replied, “I honestly have no idea. But I am not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.”

Lance shook his head as Coran popped up out of nowhere, “I don’t know what a “pop-tart” is, but the sweet heated things are Noflelf and they are very popular amongst the Korulgs. I don’t think they have anything in the way of nutritional value for your species though.”

Lance swiped Shiro’s noflelf and groaned as he bit into it, “Tastes amazing and has no nutritional value? Sounds _exactly_ like a pop tart!”

Shiro stole his breakfast sweet back with a frown, “Get your own. Or don’t. Hunk has you on light foods for a reason.”

Coran sat on the floor in front of the pair with his own breakfast of “paladin special” and Nunvill. He nodded at Lance, “Shiro is right. When we did your last medical scan, it said you were lacking in several things humans need to function properly. Apparently if we give you too many heavy foods at once it will make you explode like a fountain!”

Lance rolled his eyes, but conceded the point, he had been through this dance enough times to know that the others were right. Light foods for a week, then slowly add in the heavier stuff otherwise there would be trouble of the gastrological variety. With a sulky grimace, he cut into his crepe and sighed with joy as the true power of Hunk’s skill in the kitchen overcame him. It might be simple, but damn did it taste good.

***

In a frustratingly short time, everyone was up, dressed and ready to begin the day.

Lance followed the others out of the castleship and into the bright sunlight of the Rhexian surface. He squinted against the sudden light and tried to stow his cynicism about the day’s activities.

Allura had given them a brief rundown as she landed the castleship. It basically boiled down too them splitting up and each person spending time with a Apaian “mind healer” that Tarlia had chosen specifically for them. She said the afternoon would depend greatly on how everyone was feeling after the morning sessions, and Lance was pretty ready to pencil “go back to bed and pretend none of this ever happened” into his schedule.

The Apaians were waiting for them at the foot of the castle and everyone was quickly whisked off in different directions.

After a whirl wind of activity, Lance found himself sitting in warm and inviting cavern opposite a small masculine looking Apian. The apian sat with folded hands and smiled at Lance gently, “Lance, my name is Selti and Tarlia has assigned me to you.”

Lance smiled awkwardly, “Heeyy..”

Selti tilted his head, “You seem uncomfortable, why is that?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? I don’t know you, you don’t know me and you want to talk about my deep and dark feelings.”

Selti nodded, “You’re right, that would be a little off putting.” He shifted in his seat and leant towards Lance, “Ok, my name is Selti and my partner and I have four little shoots that we adore. I decided to specialise in xenopsychology when I realised that the Galra have enslaved thousands of star systems and most people who need help will not be Apa. I studied through resources smuggled in by the Blade of Mamora and I am glad that the risks I took will finally start to pay off.”

Lance nodded slowly, “Oookay, so that was...” In awkward times, Lance fell back on playing the fool, “Thanks for sharing! My name’s Lance, and I’m an alcoholic!”

Selti laughed, “Good, tension broken!” He picked up his datapad again, “Lance do you know much about the abilities of my people?”

Lance bit his lip, “Not really, I may have missed that part of my original mission brief. I figured that you guys have some type of empathic ability.”

“There is a touch more to it than that.” He folded his hands and regarded the young war veteran in front of him, “We can sense emotions, intent and surface thoughts with touch. The closer to the heart or lips the touch is, the more we can pick up.” Lance nodded, much of this confirmed what he had already figured out, but what came next was a surprise, “The other thing we can do, if the receiving party is consenting, is to influence thoughts and feelings.”

Lance was not expecting that one, “Huh… ok, so how does all of that fit in with out plan here?”

Selti nodded, “The plan is that we will have a chat and then move on to the empathic portion of our session. I’ll try to tease out some of what’s going on, and then try to soothe some of the really sore bits. Then we’ll have another chat about how you feel and what we both think you need to help you from here.”

“Ok, that sounds… Like a plan?”

“Well do you want to start with things that really affect your work as a paladin?”

Lance bit his lip again, “What do you mean?”

“Well it’s obvious that your ability to look out for your team is the most important thing to you. What do you think you need to do that better?”

Lance was taken aback by this line of questioning, he had expected to be asked about his childhood or trauma or something, “Well… I feel exhausted all the time, and it’s often really hard to focus.”

Selti nodded, “What is making it hard for you to focus?”

“There is… Like, a voice? I guess? In my head that is just so hard to ignore. It just reminds me over and over and over of what I’ve fucked up or what my failings are. Or sometimes just like, the urge to uhm… Hurt? Myself? And it doesn’t go away until I either follow through on the thoughts, or I get find something that totally distracts me.” Lance had pulled his knees into his chest during his short monologue, he knew it was classic body language for someone trying to hide, but he couldn’t bring himself to unfold from the position.

Selti looked intrigued, “What do you usually do to keep yourself safe when you are having a flare up?”

Lance shrugged, “I don’t know… Sometimes I try to find one of the others to distract me, but that isn’t exactly fool proof. I usually just end up curled up on the floor feeling like I am shaking out of my skin.”

“Ok, so we need to come up with something to help you get through that then.” Selti made a note on his datapad and pushed on.

The next twenty minutes or so continued in much the same pattern, with Selti trying to figure out exactly where Lance thought _he_ was coming unstuck. After coming up with a short list, Selti put his pad down. “I think that’s a good list to start with. How do you feel about moving on to the next part of our session?”

Lance swallowed nervously, “Yeah, sure.”

Selti nodded, “It will be quick and painless, I promise.” Lance tried to smile, but he could tell it fell flat when his alien psych’s smile turned reassuring.

Lance slid forward in his seat and allowed Selti to slide a tendril think finger under the collar of his shirt and press over his heart.

Lance felt a slight tug and then… Nothing. Nothing changed, nothing shifted, but he could see that Selti was concentrating hard. Lance bit his lip and concentrated on letting Selti have as much access as he needed. It wasn’t like a mind meld with the paladins where he could feel them searching through memories, which was both comforting, and terrifying.

Slowly, over a long few dobashes, Lance felt his anxiety fade, and some of the heavy weight on his chest lift. He had lived with it for so long, its sudden absence was almost suffocating. He saw Selti’s mouth twitch up in a smile and then that new spike of anxiety was smoothed over as well.

Eventually Selti sat back in his seat and sighed, “How do you feel?”

Lance laughed, actually laughed, “Light, I feel light!” He paused and looked at Selti with concern, “You don’t look so great though.”

Selti smiled, “I’m fine, though thank you for asking.” He resettled himself and looked at Lance with fresh eyes, “Let’s talk about what I found.”

Lance knew that he would usually have a flare of anxiety uncurling in his gut, but it just didn’t come. Instead he nodded and leant forward, eager to hear the assessment.

“I’m going to diagnose you with recurrent languor and panic syndrome. From what I saw kicking around in your head, I think the human equivalents would be recurrent depression and anxiety.”

Lance nodded, looking thoughtful, “I think I already knew that on some level, but it’s nice to hear it said by someone else.”

“You know, that is actually a pretty common response. Sometimes we just want someone else to tell us that what we are experiencing is real and not a normal thing you are expected to deal with.” He looked at his patient, “And I want you to really listen to me here: you don’t have to live the rest of your life feeling this way.”

Flushing, Lance looked up at Selti, “I don’t know how to stop feeling like this though.”

Selti sighed, “You do understand that these feelings aren’t something that you can just think away right? It’s actually out of your control. Unless you can sweet talk your brain into making extra neurotransmitters?”

Lance huffed out a laugh, “I’m pretty sure it’s not one of the skills humans have. And if it is, it’s not something I know how to do.”

“Right! So, if you can’t control it, then why is it something you should be able to think your way out of?”

Lance awkwardly rubbed the back of his friend, “I don’t know?”

“Well how about you let me do my job and _I’ll_ help sort out your brain?”

Lance shrugged, “Because it makes me feel ashamed that I can’t handle this on my own?”

Selti sighed, “I’d ask if you would respond the same way to a physical injury or illness, but I’m pretty sure the answer would be the same.”

Lance avoided making the eye contact that Selti was trying very hard to initiate, “Nuh uhh…”

He heard a chuckle and looked up at the xenopsychologist who was looking rather resigned, “It’s nothing against you, I just… I should be able to do this alone.”

“Lance, I like you, you’re a good kid. Please listen to me when I say that it is _ok_ to accept help. You wouldn’t blink at encouraging Shiro or Hunk to try things to help, why are you different?” Selti was leaning forward and looking at Lance with raw compassion and Lance found it almost unnerving.

“I don’t know ok!” Lance threw his hands in the air, but his steam left as quickly as it came, “I don’t know… It’s just… Hard…”

Selti crouched down in front of Lance and placed a hand on his shoulder, “It’s ok to be scared, it really is. All you have to do is _try_ something new. If it doesn’t work, then we can stop, or try something different. You know that if you do nothing, you will keep feeling the same way. And if nothing changes, I honestly think you will end up doing yourself some serious harm.” He looked at Lance with a serious expression, “We know where you will end up if you keep doing the same thing. If you try something new, you _don’t_ know what will happen. You are so brave in every other aspect of your life. Why not take a stand here too?”

Lance bit his lip, tears brimming in his eyes. Slowly, he nodded and Selti let out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. “Ok. Let’s work out where we go from here.”

***

Shiro was exhausted.

By the time he got back to the castleship, it was getting dark and even though there had been no physical aspect to his day, but everything ached. He rubbed his neck, pulled off his jacket and flopped down on the bed, sighing. Everyone would be back soon and Shiro knew he needed to head out to meet them.

His need to look after his team was an ever-present ache in his chest and he felt incredibly guilty taking time for himself. But it had been a really heavy day and Zanru said that it was ok to look after himself before looking in on the others.

So that what he was doing. He was taking a load off, going to take a shower, put on some comfy clothes and _then_ head down to the lounge to meet the others.

Zanru had called it self-care.

Shiro actually didn’t totally hate it.

He took a nap, he had a shower and now he was walking into the lounge with a fresh head. Zanru had also given him a pendant necklace to carry to help him cope. He had done something during the session that left Shiro feeling more at ease that he had in years. Zanru had said that the pendant will help him to deal with the anxiety that comes the hypervigilance. Shiro was sceptical, but at this point, he’d try basically anything.

Shiro made his way into the lounge and smiled at the rest of the crew that was clustered around the blanket nest that was still set up. Pidge and Coran smiled brightly at him, while Allura, Hunk and Keith were playing cards.

Lance was conspicuous in his absence.

Shiro quirked an eyebrow and Coran was quick to fill in the blanks, “Lance should be down any second. He wanted to have a bit of time to himself before coming down and socialising.”

Shiro nodded understandingly and slid easily into the paladin puppy pile. He closed his eyes and just listened to the easy sounds of his team mates chatting.

Soon there was a dip in the couch to his left, Shiro turned his head and smiled up at Lance who was looking better rested than he had in some time.

“How did it go?” Shiro asked.

Lance looked almost shy and Shiro realised it was because he hadn't put up the wall of humour and bravado that he poured so much time and energy into. “You know, it was weird and stressful, but it was actually kinda ok.”

Shiro nodded in understanding as Lance continued, “I’m really glad I went, I think it’s all for the best. How about you?”

Shiro smiled and settled deeper into the blankets and pillows, “About the same, really. My guy gave me some things to try and this shiny necklace to help with the panic.” He smiled and lifted up the shiny pendant.

Lance laughed and pulled something similar out of his own shirt, “Aw look, we match!”

Lance laid back next to his hero, “Do you think it will work?”

Shiro hummed, “I can’t speak for the rest of the team, but I already feel…” he struggled to find the word.

“Lighter. I feel lighter” Lance supplied and Shiro nodded in agreement as his space brother continued, “I feel like I can actually get through this. Like it isn’t an insurmountable challenge.”

Shiro pulled Lance into a awkward, one armed hug, “Damn right we can. We are all here for each other, but that means that there are people here for us as well.”

Lance felt himself tear up again, and he turned into Shiro’s shoulder to try to hide his face.

“We are all here for you, for both of you.”

Shiro and Lance looked up as the Hunk’s voice cut through their little moment. The rest of the team was facing them, expressions open and honest.

“If _I_ have learnt the value of communication and asking for help, then it must be painfully clear to the rest of you. But I hope none of us have to suffer in silence again. Especially not when there are six other people to take some of the weight off.” Keith nodded as he finished his speech, seemingly satisfied with his bit.

Lance felt his mouth swing open, “You know Mullet, I think that was the longest sentence I have ever heard come out of your mouth! We should definitely take a moment to commemorate this moment.”

Keith rolled his eyes but refused to rise to the bait, “What ever Lance, I‘m learning to use my words so you better get used to hearing my voice.” He watched with amusement as his rival pressed a hand to his forehead and pretended to faint.

“Oh no! Not Keith’s voice! Just when I thought it was safe to leave my room!”

Everyone had joined in on the joke now and was good naturedly poking fun at both boys.

Hunk smiled as he realised that there was no flash of hurt on Lance’s face and that Keith wasn’t beginning to tense up and withdraw from the conversation. He smiled wider as he realised that his worry was a passing thought, rather than an obsessive spiral.

Coran looked over the squabbling nest of his space family and felt something in his gut settle. Everything was starting to look like it would be ok. He knew that this would not be the end of the road, that there would likely be relapses and stumbles and teething issues. But his children were more at ease than he had ever seen them. He could even hear the captivating sound of his princess’s laughter, rising bright and clear above the chatter. It was a sound he had not heard since before the rise of Zarkon and Coran sighed with contentment.

Yes, this moment would not last forever and the shine would soon wear off. But the team now knew that no one would shame them for their weaknesses or fears. They knew that they were loved and that things could be managed or improved, if only they asked for help. They also knew that there was no one among them who was not needed. And not just for the war. Over the last week, each of the paladins and Alteans realised that each member of the crew brought something different and the whole was so much greater than the sum of their parts.

Coran leant back, his arms behind him supporting his weight and smiled. For the first time, he thought that maybe, just maybe, they would all be ok.

**Author's Note:**

> So there we are, my 16,000 word oneshot.  
> I hope you enjoyed it and can see it as clearly in your head as I can see it in mine. This is one of those times that I am insanely jealous of people with artistic ability because I can picture the scenes so clearly...  
> Reviews and comments welcome and encouraged! Prompts always welcome (may not always be able to fill them though) and if anyone is inspired to create anything off the back of my writing, I would adore seeing it.  
> You can find me on tumblr at [catelynjoneswrites](https://catelynjoneswrites.tumblr.com), my ask box is always open!


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